Why Cheesecake is God

All issues considered, it is a fundamental fact that New York cheesecake is healthier and tastier than chocolate mousse. Cheesecake is made of cheese, a necessary nutrient in daily life because all the food pyramids you see in the doctor’s office say so. The famous tarte au fromage frequently comes with blueberries and strawberries on top, both of which are fruits and therefore deemed healthy by every juice cleansing company and yoga mom in the nation. 

My esteemed colleague, a freeloader in The Cheesecake Factory, assures me the New York cheesecake contains much less sugar than the chocolate mousse, which is produced in the bowels of the diabolical Mousse Factory, both corporations engaged in a business argument lasting generations. New York cheesecake is so healthy statisticians from The Cheesecake Factory Coard of Researchers estimate that eating ten cheesecakes each day will decrease your chances of getting diabetes. The same statisticians also confirm, beyond any reasonable doubt, that eating only two chocolate mousse in one day increases your chances of getting diabetes by ninety-eight percent.

New York cheesecake has a richness of taste and creamy satisfying flavor that lingers in the tongue only a confection with superior amounts of dairy than chocolate mousse can possibly provide. Chucky the Great, the patron deity of all cheeses from the mozzarella stick to the parmesan pizza, alpham et omegam de omne casseus delectamentum, distinguishes his prophets and other beatific noblemen from the masses destined for perdition by their increased capacity to taste and appreciate cheese. I cite the irrefutable Boden’s Law, which dictates that one’s personal preference is a natural law of the universe, a fact indisputable as Newton’s Three Laws of Gravity. I like New York cheesecake over chocolate mousse. Therefore, New York cheesecake is superior to chocolate mousse in every way.

Also, cats are evil.

-Mishka Mouse