Once per turn: during your opponent’s Battle Phase; you can banish 1 Dinosaur monster from your Deck. Target 1 face-up monster your opponent controls: halve its ATK and DEF. That monster must attack, if able.
During your Standby Phase: you can return 1 Dinosaur monster banished by this card’s effect from your Banished Zone to your hand.
N. Raptor MaXVI – Galapagos WATER / LINK 2 / Dinosaur / ATK 2300 / bottom-left, bottom-right LINK: 2 Dinosaur monsters
Once per turn: if a card is activated; you can negate its effect and Set it face-down in one of your Spell/Trap Card Zones.
You can banish 1 Set card on your field originally controlled by your opponent. Banish up to 4 Dinosaur monsters from your Graveyard and Special Summon 1 Level 4 or lower Dinosaur monster from your Deck for each 2 Dinosaur monsters banished from your Graveyard by this card’s effect.
If Summoned: you can add 1 Ritual Spell from your Deck to your hand, and add 1 “N. Raptor” Ritual Monster from your Deck to your hand whose name is listed on that Ritual Spell.
If you Ritual Summon an “N. Raptor” Ritual Monster, this card can be used as the entire Tribute.
Prime Origin Offering Ritual Spell
Tribute Dinosaur monsters from your hand or field OR banish Dinosaur monsters from your Graveyard with total Levels equal to 8 or more: Ritual Summon 1 “N. Raptor” Ritual Monster from your hand.
N. Raptor MaXII – Madagascar FIRE / Level 8 / Dinosaur / ATK 3000 / DEF 2500 RITUAL: Prime Origin Offering
If Ritual Summoned: you can target 3 cards in your opponent’s Graveyard; Set them in 3 of your Spell/Trap Card Zones.
If removed from the field: you can banish 1 Set card originally controlled by your opponent and 1 Dinosaur from your Graveyard; Special Summon this card from your hand, Deck, or Graveyard (ignoring Summoning conditions).
Egger Planter Normal Spell
Banish 2 Set cards originally controlled by your opponent. Draw 2 cards.
N. D. Traveler WIND / Level 3 / Winged Beast / Tuner / ATK 300 / DEF 1300
Once per Duel: if this card is banished, you can immediately Special Summon it.
During either player’s turn: you can shuffle the required monsters from your field and Banished Zone in the Deck to Fusion Summon 1 “N. Raptor” Fusion Monster.
N. Raptor MaXI – Britannia WATER / Level 7 / Dinosaur / ATK 2700 / DEF 2300 FUSION: 1 non-Dinosaur monster + 1 or more Dinosaur monsters
When Fusion Summoned: you can destroy cards your opponent controls equal to the number of Dinosaur monsters used as Fusion Materials to Fusion Summon this card.
If a card is activated that would destroy this card; you can negate its effect and Set it face-down in one of your Spell/Trap Card Zones.
Once per turn, during either player’s turn: you can banish 1 Set card originally controlled by your opponent. Double this card’s ATK during the Damage Step only.
When Summoned: you can destroy 1 Dinosaur monster you control; add 1 Dinosaur monster from your Deck to your hand.
Dark Vanishing Act Normal Trap
You can activate this card during the turn more than 1 Level 6 or higher DARK Spellcaster monsters you control are destroyed. Destroy all monsters your opponent controls and inflict damage to your opponent equal to the ATK of the monster with the highest ATK.
Quintet Force Normal Spell
You must control 5 Spellcaster monsters to activate this card. Banish all cards your opponent controls and in your opponent’s hand. When this card resolves, Fusion Summon 1 “Quintet Magician”, if able.
If a Spellcaster monster you control would be destroyed, you can banish this card from your Graveyard. Spellcaster monsters you control cannot be destroyed by card effects this turn.
Wizard’s Mirror Normal Spell
Fusion Summon 1 Spellcaster Fusion Monster from your Extra Deck by banishing Fusion Materials listed on it from your field or Graveyard.
“If I go down, I’m taking you with me!” Sofia snaps, desperate, “I activate Crackdown (Continuous Trap) to take control of Dark Magician of Chaos!” A rope springs from her card, seizing the strongest of magicians, dragging him into the line of fire. Sofia loses her entire field and hand, all banished, but Pandora suffers too; he now only has four monsters.
Pandora wags his finger. “The last vengeful act of a loser. How pathetic! Now I Fusion Summon my ultimate wizard, Quintet -” He realizes he cannot. “Oh.”
Sofia hates smug people but cannot help being smug herself at the moment. “Quintet Force doesn’t give you Quintet Magician until after the card resolves, but now you lack the five Spellcasters needed to Fusion Summon it. I knew from the first turn, watching you swarm the field with Dark Magicians and Dark Magician Girls, that you probably had Quintet Force. Not only that, I activate N.D. Traveler in the Banished Zone, letting me Special Summon it (DEF 1300)!” Her cyborg goldfinch appears.
“Oh no!” Pandora shouts as if in the 4Kids dub.
“Oh yes!” Sofia thrusts her fist in the air. “Damn does it feel good being the guile hero!”
A vindictive Pandora points to the field. “Oh yeah!? I have four monsters; you have one! You lose! Dark Magician, attack!” And his monster gets ready to strike.
Sofia begins her counter attack. “My monster came back from the future not just to look cute. I return it and all my banished Dinosaurs back to the Deck to Fusion Summon N. Raptor MaXI – Britannia (ATK 2700)!” A large, bottom-heavy dinosaur with many different colored spots makes its crash landing, threatening to destroy all of Pandora’s monsters with the force of its impact.
“I banish Quintet Force from my Graveyard!” Pandora creates a blue-tinged magic force field, saving his monsters from a messy demise. “No servant of mine gets crushed, kicked, eaten, or pooped out by a goddamn yoshi!”
“My monsters are not yoshis!” Sofia waxes indignant. “They’re an original concept!”
Pandora scoffs, raising an eyebrow beneath his mask. “They eat things with unrealistically long tongues, they poop spotted eggs, and they come in so many colors they’re probably queer. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, bi, trans, poly, demi, semi, pan, whatever.”
Sofia’s cheeks become crimson. “Are you saying I’m bi?” The paranoid tone of her voice says, “How do you know?” She likes Jolene after all and even shares the same bed with her.
A Ghoul volunteers to break the awkward silence. “I main Yoshi in Smash Bros.” He comments.
“That’s why you suck, bro.” Another Ghoul says.
“Don’t hate, you Fox-maining-no-items-Final-Destination-only tourneyfag!” Retorts the first Ghoul, and the two fiends get into an argument.
“Fantastic.” Pandora dryly complains. “Anyway, I overlay Dark Magician and Magician of Dark Illusion to Xyz Summon Number 11: Big Eye (ATK 2700) and detach 1 Material to take control of Brittania.” Two Spellcasters make way for a new one, a nontraditional kind, a big upside-down cone with an eye. This odd creature entrances the enemy monster with its huge evil eye, forcing it to switch sides.
“Come on! COME ON!” Sofia protests in exasperation. Just after she barely reclaimed control, she loses it again. She turns to me, the author, pleading, “Could you please give me a Heart of the Cards moment? Pretty please?” She tries making puppy dog eyes but fails miserably.
“No.” I say. “You’re not Yugi. If your Deck isn’t consistent enough, that’s your problem.”
Pandora is utterly bewildered. “Who are you talking to? Did the Duel make you crazy?” He suddenly beams with approval. “If it did, hop right in the audience! Now you’re one of us!”
Sofia, despite her deflated self-esteem, remains resilient, pushing onward.
SOFIA’S TURN: “Okay. Finally my turn. I set a card facedown. I don’t care if I lose. I just want to make your victory hard.”
Such tenacity leaves Pandora unimpressed. “How quaint.”
PANDORA’S TURN: “Magicians, attack!” He commands, eager to finish the Duel. He does not betray it, but he feels exhausted, which is a near constant state of being for anyone past thirty.
Sofia, who is not even twenty, easily fights on despite her self-doubt. “I activate Soul Leveler (Trap)!” A dense cloud of specters appear to drain half of Sofia’s life, then raid Pandora’s field, forcefully dragging his monsters to the Graveyard. (Sofia LP 2900 → 1450)
Pandora briefly puts his fingers beneath his ask to squeeze the place between his eyes. This girl is giving him a migraine. How does Maya handle her? “I set a card facedown and end my turn.”
SOFIA’S TURN: Excellent! Sofia draws a good card. “I Normal Summon Kleinekarnosaur (ATK 500) and pop it to search another Dinosaur.” The vicious little t-rex barely appears before eating itself in a gruesome but fascinating display of gluttony and rapaciousness. Sofia adds a Dinosaur from her Deck to hand. “And I banish two Dinosaurs from my Graveyard to Special Summon Ultimate Conductor Tyranno (ATK 3000)!” The massive predator, brimming with a sickly dark energy, nearly takes up the whole stage.
“Stop right there!” Pandora orders, as if afraid Sofia will declare an attack. – The window for using his Trap Card is small indeed. – “I activate Shadow Balance (Trap)!” A huge scale takes over the whole field, except the scale is alive with jaws for balances. Pandora’s side is empty, lighter than a feather, but Sofia’s side weighs heavy with a monster. The jaw underneath the dinosaur clamps shut, like the mouth of a Venus fly trap, swallowing its prey.
“Oh…” Sofia stops in her tracks. “Shinosaurus.”
“I’ll enjoy licking your saltosaurus tears.” Pandora promises her.
“Ew, gross.” Sofia recoils. “Is this harassment? I think it’s harassment.” Jolene will definately think this is harassment. Sofia turns to the audience of Ghouls. “Do you think this harassment?” Actually, Sofia just being here is harassment. “Oh, gobisaurus! STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!”
“It’s like Dragon’s Mirror but for Spellcasters, right?” Sofia correctly guesses.
“Yes.” Pandora confirms. “That is quite obvious. I banish five Spellcasters from my Graveyard to finally Fusion Summon Quintet Magician (ATK 4500)!” A tall dimensional magic mirror appears behind him, releasing the great wizard within as if freeing it from a prison. The monster itself is constantly surrounded by five hexagram circles. “Quintet Magician, attack!” All five hexagrams hit Sofia squarely in the torso. (Sofia LP 1450 → 0)
Sofia: 0 || Pandora: 1200
The Ghouls cheer wildly at the victory of their leader, and in such a close game too! Pandora can finally relax, basking in the applause. The Ghouls even applauded to Sofia, eager to give her a fine farewell before she gets butchered by the buzzsaw now swerving towards her ankles.
“Well that checks out.” Sofia remarks. She tightly shuts her eyes, puts her hands over them anyway, and starts singing, trying to make light of a dark situation. Guess she’ll have to replace her feet with a flipper.
“So long and thanks for all the fish. So sad that it should come to this. We tried to warn you all but, oh, dear. You may not share our intellect, Which might explain your disrespect For all the natural wonders that grow around you. So long, so long and thanks for all the fish.”
The doors burst open as Maya barges in, her eyes blazing red, with a blast of fire so strong the whole wall breaks down. The Ghouls flee in terror, except for the two of them still arguing about Smash Bros., but keep smacking onto the three remaining walls like flies trying to exit a glass window.
“Ce que les flambeaux!” Pandora is too flabbergasted to speak English.
The buzzsaw cuts part of Sofia’s ankle but Maya comes to the rescue before it can do any more damage. She catches the thing with her hands and tears it away from the wall. She is superpowered enough at the moment to do so but not strong enough to avoid getting her palms cut.
Maya urgently clasps Sofia’s shoulders. “By the Egyptian Gods, are you okay! Tell me where the bad man touched you!”
Sofia hugs Maya tightly, her sadness at disappointing her friend far greater than any fear for her life. “I’m sorry I failed you. I tried my best.”
Maya strokes Sofia’s hair, whispering soothing words for her. “Criminals, like the Ghouls, are AIDS. They keep adapting and coming back. There’s no shame in being caught off guard, but you must remain alert in the future.”
Sofia nods, secretly wiping her eyes. She will not dare show Maya her tears. “That’s a weird way to console someone, but fine. I promise.”
“Que fais-tu ici, folle salope noire!” Pandora shouts from behind her. “She is my spoils of war!”
Maya turns to face Pandora. She has exhausted her Ka searching for Sofia, so she makes it recede, her eyes returning to their natural dark brown color and her body no longer stronger than anyone else’s. Otherwise, the strain on her body will be too great. Now, she will have to fight with – cards? Yes. Unbelievable.
Pandora shrieks as the buzzsaw creeps nearer to his ankles, randomly waving his arms like he is a tube man. The audience of Ghouls points to their leader and gleefully boo at him, chucking tomatoes (they brought just for this purpose) his way.
“Your magic show sucks worse than Penn and Teller’s!” Yells a Ghoul. “I’ve seen better street artists in New Orleans!” Balks another. “Go back to molesting kids in Neverland, you Michael Jackson-voiced loser!” Hisses a third.
Truly loyal comrades, as Sofia observes. They remind her a bit of the hyenas in The Lion King. They even have a campy, effeminate leader. Now for some lime green smoke and – BOOM! Green smoke bursts into the air and the bright stage lights waver, beaming all the colors of the rainbow. The Ghouls balk in mad laughter at their idiot master.
Pandora shrieks at random people in the audience, “Clarence, I need technical support! Get your black-cowled a$$ here and help with the lights!” The green smoke and technicolor lights suddenly cease but the Ghouls keep having a good time.
PANDORA’S TURN: “Ahem! After I was so rudely interrupted, let’s continue the show. I resume Pandora’s Great Escape! And I start by banishing the Galaxy Cyclone (Spell) in my Graveyard to destroy Egg Legacy.” Sofia’s card dissolves into dust and gets scattered by cosmic wind.
“I activate Graceful Charity (Spell): I draw 3 and discard 2. I further augment my hand with Dark Magic Circle (Continuous Spell) to add a special card from my Deck to my hand.”
“Is it a surprise tool that will help you later?” Sofia says in a deadpan tone.
“Not in this clubhouse!” Pandora affirms with enthusiasm. “I’m using it right now: Dark Magic Curtain (Spell)! I pay half my Life so my next Dark Magician (ATK 2500) can make his great entrance!” A skeleton animated by dark magic appears to draw back the curtain behind Pandora and – ta da! – a new wizard appears! (Pandora LP 4400 → 2200)
“But I’m not done yet. Here, watch your monster disappear!” Pandora’s magician conjures a dark magic circle around Sofia’s powerful raptor, transporting it to the Banished Zone. “Dark Magician, strike her directly!” Pandora shrieks. Sofia gets struck by sudden pain all over her body, like she is dying of poison, but it vanishes as suddenly as it appears. (Sofia LP 3400 → 900)
“That should do for now. I set a card and end my turn.” Pandora concludes with satisfaction.
Sofia’s spirit – or is it her stomach? – falls to the ground. She will lose her feet and Maya abandon her out of disappointment! – Wait. Does she find Maya being disappointed scarier than bleeding to death on the floor of a degenerate’s basement. Strange world.
Sofia laughs in amusement and terror at the irony, clasping her shoulders with her hands. When she fell down, Maya and Yukio helped her get back up almost every time. But this duel is like the two times she faced Bandit Keith. She will have to magically conjure the strength inside herself, anything to get this nightmare of a duel over with.
SOFIA’S TURN: “I activate Egger Planter (Spell)! I banish the 2 facedown cards I stole from you to draw 2 cards. I play Soul Absorption (Continuous Spell) and I activate Miscelleaneosaurus from my Graveyard; I banish 4 Dinosaurs from my Graveyard to Special Summon Tyranno Infinity (ATK 7000)!” The Ghouls cheer at seeing such a small but powerful monster, jumping as if dynamite is blowing them into the sky. Things are getting interesting!
As a matter of formality, Giant Rex returns to the field stronger than ever(ATK 2000 → 3200) and Soul Absorption heals Sofia. (LP 900 → 2900).
“Tyranno Infinity, destroy Dark Magician!” Sofia commands, too eager to win the Duel.
Pandora balks at her audacity. “How naive to think you could defeat me, the master of magicians! I activate Magician’s Selection (Trap)!” The Dark Magician instantly forces the other dinosaur to appear in front of him as a meat shield, blocking the attack of Tyranno Infinity.
“Oh no…” Sofia whispers, not because her attack failed but because she could have played a Spell, but didn’t. I-I set two cards and end my turn.” Sofia stammers, covering her mistake as much as she can.
PANDORA’S TURN: The illusionist Pandora is not the greatest duelist but he is no idiot. He can read people like any good performer can, and he knows Sofia made a mistake. Now, he astutely judges, it is time to punish her for it, but he does have some respect for her. He claps in applause. “Wonderful! A fierce exchange, the kind of suspense I adore in a magic show.”
The clapping suddenly stops and the man becomes dead serious. “But you have little time to celebrate. Not with my next move: Card of Sanctity (Spell)!” Both players draw until they have 6 cards in their hand, Sofia groaning. Nothing good ever comes from this.
“I activate Thousand Knives (Spell)! I target Tyranno Infinity for destruction!” The Dark Magician casts a spell, throwing a rainstorm of kitchen knives at the monster.
Sofia quickly reacts, “I dodge the attack with Super Polymerization! Tyranno Infinity and Dark Magician fuse together to -”
“I play Illusion Magic (Quick-play Spell)” Pandora counters with deft speed. The second Dark Magician to enter the Duel vanishes from the field. Pandora adds his third and last Dark Magician from the Deck to his hand. With no second target, the Super Polymerization card disappears, but the thousand knives do not. Before long, Tyranno Infinity gets butchered.
Pandora can see Sofia’s error at last. Had she played Super Polymerization last turn, she would have won the duel. Ah, what relief!
“I discard the Dark Magician in my hand to Special Summon Illusion Apprentice Magician (ATK 2000)!” A long-haired variant of the Dark Magician Girl comes into play. “I activate Silent Doom to revive Dark Magician (DEF 2100), then activate Dedication Through Light and Darkness (Quick-play Spell) to sacrifice him to Special Summon Dark Magician of Chaos (ATK 2800) from the Deck!” At the end of this process, Pandora arrives to controlling a wizard with long black hair and tight black leather.
“My new magician isn’t just kinky, he has a powerful Effect.” Pandora assures his opponent. “I retrieve Card of Sanctity from my Graveyard and – guess what – I activate it! I refill my hand and we ride the merry-go-round once again, except this merry-go-round is covered with your blood! Don’t you think that’s fun?”
Sofia coldly retorts, “I think you need to direct the next Saw movie.”
Pandora replies, “I’ll look into it. I activate Monster Reborn (Spell) to revive Dark Magician (ATK 2500) again and activate Bond Between Teacher and Student (Spell). I Special Summon Dark Magician Girl (ATK 2300) and Set a card relevant to them from my Deck.” Master and apprentice reunite as a powerful duo and a new card appears in the back row. “Now here’s a real surprise tool that will help me later. I promise you that.”
“I doubt it. Only a fool takes the word of a criminal.” Sofia comments.
Pandora sheds a crocodile tear. “How can a woman be so young and pretty but be so cruel? You hurt my feelings.”
“I imagine it comes with the package.” Sofia postulates with a certain satisfaction. “Beauty with cruelty is not a bug but a feature in the system.” She thinks about how her friends will react to such a cynical but cliche remark. Jolene will chastise her for “internalized misogyny”. Maya will pretend to laugh like Homer Simpson, chuckling, “It’s funny ‘cause it’s true.”
Pandora chortles, “Spoken like a true realist from my birthplace. Why, you could’ve strolled through Paris with dapper shoes for all I know, but something tells me you’re not that type. Paying 1000 Life, I activate Dark Magic Veil (Spell)to Special Summon Magician of Dark Illusion (ATK 2100) from my hand!” Dark mist gathers to form the shadowy and spectral version of the Dark Magician. (Pandora LP 2200 → 1200)
“My magicians are here; they are at your service, but not for long. I activate Quintet Force (Spell)! The magicians will be gone to form a new spellcaster unlike any you have ever seen but so will all your cards.” Pandora’s monsters cross their scepter’s together, gathering the energy needed for a powerful spell. The game’s end is nigh.