Lumis just had to disclose his ingenious idea to the whole world. “I outfitted your bomb collars with an extra kink. But,” Even he had the restraint not to tell everything. “I won’t tell you what the twist is.” You have a little surprise coming your way, I tell you.”
Yukio remarked, “I didn’t have German dungeon porn in mind.”
“Hey Cornholio!” Maya called out Lumis. “You better prepare your anus because you’re gonna’ get the biggest teepee you ever saw straight up your bunghole.”
Yukio concurred with his partner. “We mean it, Dumb and Dumber. You’ll have prolapsed assholes for life after we’re done with you.”
Lumis fumes at our heroes’ insults while Umbra takes the trash talk in stride. The larger Ghoul says, “Looks like we got ourselves a pair of jokers. But we’ll have the last laugh.” He makes a terrible, sinister smile. “You’re both in for a very bumpy ride.”
“What’s with this tournament and sex?” Yukio exclaims in genuine bafflement. “Can we start the duel already!”
Team Dynamic Duo: 16000 || Team Baby Blast Furnace: 16000
YUKIO’S TURN: “I’ll start the duel with Spell Economics. I don’t pay any Life to play Spell Cards. Like this one, A Hero Lives! I Summon Elemental HERO Shadow Mist from my Deck.” The dark vigilante in black leather leaps into play from nowhere. “I add Mask Change from my Deck to my hand. Next, Instant Fusion!” A large sealed can appears and opens on stage, the released mist forming a masked, stocky man in a lab coat. “Elemental HERO Bubble Scientist lets me call forth Elemental HERO Bubbleman from my Deck.” And another stocky man, but in a blue, cyborg suit, appears.
Umbra looks intrigued. “A Masked Treatoad combo?”
“You got it! I overlay Bubble Scientist and Bubbleman for Bahamut Shark!” The two heroes fall through the overlay network and a dinosaur-shark fusion falls out on the other side. “I use its effect to Summon Treatoad right from the Extra Deck!” And a pair of pale toads swims up from a watery hole to the surface, one on top of the other. “I set one. My turn ends.”
MAYA’S TURN: She and Yukio have no idea what strategy the two Ghouls have up their sleeve. They should build a wall, wait this turn, then kill them. She thinks, “Sophia, I’m coming for you.”
Out loud, “I play Soul Absorption! Each time a card is banished we gain 500 Life. I play Pot of Cupidity. I banish my top 10 cards to draw 2.” Her Spell glows a bright teal as the team gains 5000 Life. “I Summon Necroface and activate it.” The cracked, corrupted baby doll face appears. It’s tentacles reach out, drawing forth energy from another dimension, growing in strength. Maya shuffles all her banished cards back in her Deck.
“Next, Fire Mountain!” Her side of the field transmogrifies into a part of the earth in its earliest days, a molten volcano looming behind her. “I use its effect to banish a FIRE monster in my Deck; D.D. Velociraptor. I then use its effect to banish another Velociraptor from my Deck. I activate Ghosts and Stars. I bring back a banished monster. I Summon D.D. Velociraptor and with its effect Summon the second one.” Two fiery red dinosaurs emerge from the volcano.
“Go time! I overlay them to Xyz Summon Evolzar Laggia!” The dinosaurs dissolve into balls of flame as a fiery white dragon emerges from the overlay wormhole. “I set a card facedown. My turn’s done.”
She allows herself a moment of personal reflection. Everyone evolved so much over the years, not just her. As Rex said, she is far from the only antimeta duelist. She must push further or the trendsetter herself will fall behind. But how?
LUMIS’ TURN: He laughs with menace. “No boss monsters can stop us, least of all yours. We designed our Decks so no one can sit on their favorite cards. Observe. I tribute YOUR Laggia,” He points at Maya. “to Summon Gameciel, the Sea Turtle Kaiju on your field. Try negating that!” True to Lumis’ words, there is nothing Maya can do. He didn’t activate anything. Her monster simply vanishes, replaced by a monstrous creature from the ocean’s depths.
“Now you have a Kaiju, I get one too. I Summon Thunder King, the Lightningstrike Kaiju!” A huge thunderous bird appears on Lumis’ field. “One for you. One for me. Now Yukio’s turn to suffer. Thunder Kind, kill Treatoad!” His creature of the heavens flash fries Yukio’s key monster. (Team Baby Blast Furnace LP 21500 à 20400)
Both Maya and Yukio feel a terrible pain in their necks, like nails were being drilled in at all sides. To their horror they see blood trickle down their necks into their shirts.
Lumis jumps up and down with glee, as if it was his birthday. “Surprise! Each time you lose Life, you lose a little blood. Lose all your Life and the drills destroy your spine, but it may hit an artery bore then! It’s our gift, just for you!”
Yukio burns with hatred at them. What dirty cowards! But he breaths deep, calming down, or trying to. He says, “Since Treatoad died I return a WATER monster, Bubble Scientist, to my Extra Deck.”
Lumis ignores the play. It is irrelevant. “I play three spells. Mask of Dissapointment to negate Maya’s Soul Absorption, my Soul Absorption, and Kyoutou Waterfront.” A large, gloomy mask covers Maya’s Permanent Spell while Lumis gets his own. Furthermore, skyscrapers and a huge water tower sprout from the sand and rock behind him. “I end with a card facedown.”
He gestures to Umbra. “Your turn, partner.”
Yukio warns his own partner, “We must be careful to not banish cards so easily. They’ll gain Life too.”
UMBRA’S TURN: “Gladly, friend. I play Soul Absorption!”
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Maya shouts in outrage.
Lumis says, “You think this is a motherfuckin’ game? We know your strategies so of course we took countermeasures. Got it?”
Umbra chuckles, “Well said, partner. Allow me to bury them. I play Pre-preparation of Rights. I add a Ritual Spell and Monster to my deck.” Lumis’ Waterfront gained a Kaiju Counter Umbra’s used up Spell went to his Graveyard, a bright star appeared on top of the water tower.
“Not if I can help it!” Yukio counters. “I play my facedown Mask Change. I tribute Shadow Mist to Summon Elemental HERO Dark Law!” His hero puts on a new mask, transforming into a larger, darker creature. “And since you put cards in your hand, I use its effect.” The new warrior of the night fires a blast at Umbra’s hand, hitting one card.
But it isn’t any of the Ritual cards. Yukio curses. Umbra smirks, “Big gamble, kid. But you lost! And we gain 1,000 Life!”
Maya is furious. “You just told me not to banish cards! Now you’re doing it, you damned hypocrite! Thanks for giving Bush and Cheney over there extra Life!”
Yukio realizes his mistake. He tries to explain, “It could’ve stopped Umbra’s combo.” But Maya hears none of it. She heaps even more blame on him.
Umbra talks to Lumis incognito, using a small microphone in their masks. “We got them fighting. Now there’s no chance they’ll win.” Lumis nods eagerly. He could drink to that.
Umbra says, “I play Curse of the Masked Beast, offering a monster in my hand to Summon Masked Beast!” A Level 8 monster, a queen of the End of Times, descends into a savage cauldron. A bicorporal monster wielding a cudgel emerges, a hideous mask nailed to its face. “I equip it with Mask of Savagery and Stellar Scattershot!” The ugly beast puts on an even more frightening mask while it dons starry silver armor to cover its bare chest. “Its ATK doubles and it can attack all your monsters.”
“Uh-Oh.” Maya and Yukio are in for a wicked beat down.
“Masked Beast, kill everything in sight!” Umbra commands. His malformed creature obliges, smashing all of its opponents with its cudgel. The wrath of its assault throws our heroes up in the air. (Team Baby Blast Furnace 20400 à 8400) Meanwhile, Lumis’ Waterfront gains 4 more Counters.
“Thanks for ruining our game.” Maya hisses like an angry goose. “I built my strategy for US but they turned it against US. And you helped!”
“No, you built your strategy for YOU!” Yukio shouts back. “You are the most selfish and manipulative person I’ve ever met!”
“Those are bad things? What are you, Christian?”
“Read too much continental philosophy? Because you’re so edgy right now!”
Umbra and Lumis enjoy every minute of our couple’s quarreling, so much so they would popcorn if they could. Mission accomplished. Took just two turns and they already divorced. But what’s this? Yukio is making his next move.
Umbra whispers to Lumis over their mask mics, “Attack Maya directly each time you can. She’s the more bruised of the two.” Lumis nods in agreement.
YUKIO’S TURN: “If Maya won’t help me beat you, then I’ll do it myself. I play Brilliant Fusion!”
“Uh-uh!” Lumis wags his thick, short finger at him. “I activate Mask of Exile!” A huge, voodoo mask, embedded with large jagged teeth, appears above him. He spoke slowly, sternly, as if his enemies could read his lips. “No one. Can play. Any monsters. From. The. Extra Deck.”
Yukio and Maya are devastated while Umbra and Lumis ridicule their misery. Yukio shakes his head in disgust. He sets one monster facedown, ending his turn.
MAYA’S TURN: As she enters her Stanby Phase, Lumis wags his finger at her.
“Uh-uh! You lose 700 Life each Standby Phase, got it!” He reminds her.
Maya would’ve liked to bite that little shit’s finger off more than anything in the world. But she is utterly powerless. She can win the Duel on their own, but it is a risky move. She sets a card facedown, ending her turn.
LUMIS’ TURN: “I pay 3 Kaiju Counters to add a Kaiju from my Deck to my hand.” Three stars vanish from the top of the water tower. “I activate Masked Doll. We can’t take any damage from “Mask” cards.”
“Thunder King, destroy Yukio’s monster.” His mighty lord of thunder showers the wrath of the skies on Yukio’s poor creature, a warrior carrying many swords with him. “I end my turn.”
UMBRA’S TURN: “Thanks to Lumis’ Masked Doll, I don’t pay half my Life. But my monster still gets to double its ATK!” Nothing happens, puzzling Umbra. “Why?”
“Read the fine print, Butthead.” Maya rebukes him. “You can only double its ATK after you paid half your Life.”
“You won’t be so feisty after I thrash you some more. How are your burns by the way? Matthew really did a number on you.”
Maya didn’t feel anything during the Duel until now, when Umbra reminded her. She winces in pain, now painfully aware of her injuries. And she is about to receive more.
“Masked Beast, attack Maya!” Umbra’s creature born from nightmares unleashes its assault. Yukio tries to block its path but he is too slow. The beast slams Maya with its cudgel. Maya would double down in pain over her injured stomach if she could, but she landed on her back. Her burned back hurt even more against the rough sand. (Team Baby Blast Furnace LP 7700 à 1300)
Yukio rushes to pull her up, asking if she’s all right, but she pushes him away, still angry at his blunder. She wastes no time springing her trap, her anger fueled by her pain. “I activate Mass Extinction!” She sends 6 Dinosaur-Type monster from her Deck to the Graveyard as she lost over 6000 Life. Every dinosaur Maya milled appears above her, engaged in flaming meteors. “SMASH THEM!”
Hell rains from the skies, barraging the Ghouls’ field in a storm of fire and brimstone. The Masked Beast perishes, as does the Ghouls’ Soul Absorptions and Maya’s own prehistoric field, while Mask of Exile breaks into pieces and burns to ash. But the meteors bounce off Lumis’ Mask of Dissipation and Kyoutou Waterfront.
Lumis explains, “My Mask can’t be destroyed by card effects while my Waterfront lost a Counter to stay safe.”
Maya groans. This Duel will last a long time. Suddenly, she and Yukio feels the drills of the bomb collar dig into their necks, releasing more blood.
Yukio approaches her. “We have to work as a team if we want to win. They’re doing a splendid job at it. Can’t say the same thing about us.”
Maya took a moment to lean on Yukio for support. She says, “I’m so sorry I got mad at you. I wish I didn’t get angry so often.”
Yukio leans on her too, shielding her from harm. “I’m fine. Use your anger to pummel Ren and Stimpy over there. We must work as a team, no matter what.”
“But if we do, they may figure out our strategies.”
“But there is a way we can go beneath the radar.”
Maya understands what he means. “I set things up for you. Make it count.”
The couple resume their positions. Yukio says to the Ghouls, “Now you will feel my righteous anger you cowardly scum!” He says to Maya. “Together we will reach the skies with our wings.”
YUKIO’S TURN: “I play Monster Reborn to revive Maya’s Celestine Ptera from her Graveyard.” The largest of all pterosaurs emerges from the grave, spreading its 30-foot wings to their full span.
This move startles Umbra and Lumis, but before they can process what just happened, Maya interjects, “Yukio’s move triggered my Quickplay Spell, Infernal Reckless Summon! I Summon two Celestine Ptera from my Grave!” Two more pterosaurs join the first.
“I activate Celestine Ptera’s effect.” Yukio resumes. “I bounce Maya’s Soul Absorption to bounce Lumis’ Waterfront.” The great dinosaur flaps two gusts of wind and sand, one with each wing. The first rids the field of Maya’s card, the second sweeps away Lumis’, returning the Ghoul to the desert. “And since Soul Absorption left the field, Mask of Dissipation dies.”
Lumis’ temper begins to rise as his Mask vanishes. They figured out to get rid of it!
Yukio orders, “Ptera, strike Umbra!” The pterosaur crashes into Umbra, forcing him down on the ground. (Team Dynamic Duo LP 19000 à 17700)
MAYA’S TURN: “I activate Soul Absorption again. This time it will help us. Next I play Extinction Record. I choose to banish 1 Dinosaur-Type monster, 1 Celestine Ptera.” The large dinosaur vanished. “And draw 2 cards. I play Dragon’s Mirror! I banish the other Celestine Ptera and 10 other Dinosaur –Types from my Graveyard to Summon Red-Eyes Black Berserk Dragon!”
A purple, jeweled mirror rose behind Maya while each of her dead monsters rose from her Graveyard as specters. Her living dinosaur flies into the mirror and her dead dinosaurs follow suit. An awesome black dragon bursts from the other side, shattering the mirror. Her Soul Absorption glows, blessing the team with 5,500 Life!
Lumis fumes, jittering with anger more while Umbra scowls in worry.
“Hey Bart and Milhouse! Principle Skinner’s coming for you!” Maya calls out. “Red-Eyes strike down the weakest link!” Her huge, black, undead dragon breaths the black flames of the underworld straight at its target. Lumis cries in terror, running wildly in circles like a chicken with its head cut off. The black flames hit him dead on, blasting him ten feet in the air. He luckily falls on his butt on the sand. Otherwise his neck would have snapped. Umbra can only look on in terror. (Lumis & Umbra 17700 à 6700)
Maya concludes, “I was a bully at school. I gave the shrimp the biggest wedgie in his life. If he ever attacks me again I’ll dunk his head in the most diseased toilet he can imagine.” She sets a card facedown. “I end my turn. Let’s see Kim and Kanye make a comeback.”